When shall the tides turn?

So i'm trying to go gung ho into the wedding planning but so much shit just keeps getting into the way.  My step father went in for his heart surgery yesterday morning.  He is having an ICD placed to help with the congestive heart failure he has been suffering for months.  With fingers and toes crossed I awaited good news.  My mother calls to inform me that they stopped the surgery.  The plastic tip to the node that attaches to the heart came off and is floating thru his circulatory system.  So they have to do cat scans to find it and pull the damn thing out before it blocks a major vessel, and then they would hopefully do the ICD surgery today.  

Well 3 cat scans later and they still didn't find the damn thing... wonderful.  And they are acting like it's no biggie, they'll find it and all will be well.... needless to say, i didn't sleep all that well last night.  When i spoke to mom this morning, she had just talked to joe and he was on his way back down - for what, he didn't know.  So another day will be spent preoccupied with thoughts of what ifs and what should i do...... I know my mom is staying strong, but she is by herself waiting and i hate that.  as much as she drives me bonkers, i don't like that she is there, not taking care of herself of course, worried and freaking out over all of this.  I'm hoping i don't have to hop on a train and go up there, but right now it is a strong possibility.... so i have the amtrak schedule up on the screen making sure i know what i need to bring and how much its going to cost us the money we don't have right now. 

Speaking of money..... this whole GED thing is driving me insane.  mitch called over 20 times this morning, starting at 745am..... 7fucking45 am..... even on a good day i'm not up that early.  I don't know if it he just doesn't get it, or its becaus ehe is older and probably wakes up a t4 am every morning, or he has no idea what it is like to have a 2 year old since he has no children, but do not call me that early unless it is an emergency.  Now i know jim and i hold this mans financial quests in our grubby techy hands right now... but calling me constantly when i told him i'd call him when i woke up is just annoying.... he has $1k in orders for us right now, and we could really use that money.... but the files are fucked up and jim needed to fix them.  then there is the printer..... we bought a new one and the damn thing got wrecked in shipping..... fucking freight company piled ( well it looks like they dropped something) on top of the damn thing.... now we finally got the guy we bought it from to send us replacement parts, which will hopefully be here tomorrow.   so now for the rest of the supplies..... $200+ worth of binders, ink, cd sleeves and paper....and i have to go get cds today..... then we figure out we need a new dvd/cd burner..... a few more hundred bucks..... still need to replace the hard drive.... at about $500....... then the recovery of this one..... almost $2k...... plus the tv in the bedroom died...... fucking great....... i just want my damn espresso machine. 

i sound so materialistic in my head, but i'm not really.  i just know i've worked hard thru my life and i want some rewards.... the espresso machine is a gift - jim's mom put money in our account for it.... but we used it on bills...... sigh.......every single time we get cash from her for gifts it goes to bills..... thats why i made sure jim got his damn xbox.... because he deserved it.... now i want to kick and yell and stomp till i get my machine too lol ....... oh well....i am a hypocrite - what else can i say. 

then there are the siblings.... its scary to think i am the 'normal and level headed' one.... 

step sister moved in with her boyfriend.... i guess that is a good thing, as she wasn't living in a good situation for herself, and maybe this is a sign that she is growing up..... but no one has met the boyfriend and her track record isn't all that great.... my mom seems excited that she might be getting engaged.... um HELLO?!?!?!?!  i'm getting married in 9 months and you hardly ever mention it to me..... i know Kristen's mother passed away and my mom is trying to fill the void... but um..... i'm your daughter and i need that attention too..... then there is brian....

karlee is doing much better - i talked to him last night..... he gave me the normal hum drum about food stamps fucking him over, having to call the food bank and convince the woman to open it up so that they can eat...... then my mom tells me he and angela are getting married..... 

he is marrying this chick, who has not a motherly bone in her body - has 2 kids not even a year apart, doesn't have custody of the first one, ignored the fact that her new born wasn't eating and thus lost almost a pound in 3 weeks time..... and she is verbally and physically abusive to brian in front of sid!  wtf is wrong with this picture? 

then there is jimmy and deanna..... that is just a whole fucked up ball of wax that i don't have the energy to touch.... i'm waiting to hear from my dad about his MRI for his shoulder..... its like everyone is falling apart around me and i don't feel like holding it together anymore.... i don't want to grow up damn it.....